Missing You

It's been 4 years since my wonderful father left this earth. Reflecting back on all the great times we've had together makes me miss him more than ever. There isn't one day that goes by where I don't think of him in some way, shape or form, but today he's been constantly on my mind.

It was Saturday, September 15, 2007. I was getting ready for an early volleyball game. My mom and my sister had just left the house to run some errands. Right before my mom left she told me that my dad hadn't slept too well last night, so I was supposed to just let him sleep in.

I suddenly realized that my dog was no where to be found, so I went looking for her around the house hoping that she wasn't getting herself into some kind of trouble. Bostyn (my dog) loved to lay by my dad on the bed so I stuck my head in my dad's bedroom to see if she was laying there. (Little did I know then that she actually had gone with my mom and sister.)

As I peeked my head into his bedroom and saw no dog...I was about to leave and just go to the game. I looked at my dad and knew instantly that something was wrong. He wasn't breathing. I ran over to him and started to shake him. When he didn't stir, I resorted to shaking harder and yelling at him to wake up.

He still didn't respond. I desperately called my mom in a panic, trying as hard as I could to calmly explain to her what was going on. She told me to hang up and call 911 and that she was turning around right then to come home. I called 911 and told the dispatcher that my dad wasn't breathing or responding to me in any way.

She asked me if there was anything in his mouth. There was, it was a white foam substance. She told me to try as hard as I could to get it all out of his mouth. I frantically started digging it all out of his mouth. She told me to turn him on his side as I did it.

Thinking back now...I wish I would have just laid there with him until they came and took him away. I thought that everything was going to be fine at the time. He had given us scares like this before and it always turned out fine, regardless of how terrifying they were. Knowing now that that was the last time I would get to actually BE with him...I wish I would have just held him as long as I could've.

The paramedics arrived shortly after that, the dispatcher stayed on the phone with me until they did. My mom arrived just a few seconds after that as well. This was the hardest part for me. She was going hysterical, yelling this like, "Don't leave me...you can't leave me now. I love you...don't leave me".

The rest of the day I had the worst migraine I have ever had in my entire life. I remember lots of my family meeting us at the hospital and we all just cried together. I remember as time went by, my dad's body slowly got harder and harder. That was super difficult to witness.

Although my dad is no longer with us physically, I know he is with me always. He is constantly watching out for me and helping me with things that I need. The other day I was moving my room from upstairs to downstairs and I had NO IDEA which tools I needed to take the beds apart. Both beds needed different ones and I wasn't sure what to use, let alone WHERE the specific tool even WAS! I started asking my dad for help and I found myself walking into the garage, over to where most of my dad's tools where. I went straight to the right one, picked it up and started working.

I know he loves me and is always there for me. I miss him dearly..he was my best friend. He always knew what to say to me. Sometimes I fell lost without him. There is this huge hole in my heart that no doctor can fix.

I know he's in a better place...and although I'm done being bitter about his loss, it still hurts. I love you so much Daddy. You will forever be my hero.

XOXOXO

COLLEGE!

Can I just say....

Day 18: Plans/Dreams/Goals You Have.

Plans that I have...
Hmmm...well, I'm going to start UVU in the fall (Aug. 29th to be exact). I "plan" on moving out, but we will see how that goes money wise and all. So far these are my major plans!! :D

Dreams that I have...
My dreams are very "storybook" worthy. I dream of growing up...finding my eternal companion and starting a family. I cannot wait for those days. I dream of the day when life isn't so hard... I dream of the day when I can let go of the many things in my past and present that are keeping me from reaching my full potential. I dream of the rainbows raining skittles. :)

Goals that I have...
Some of my goals are to read the Book of Mormon at least 30 times in my lifetime. I want to get fit and stay that way! I want to keep my room clean the rest of my life! I want to be a less judgemental person. I want to become the best sister, daughter, cousin, aunt, and granddaughter anyone could ask for.

Recent Days Events

Yesterday I babysat, swam, and went to Trafalga. Today I cleaned my house which was long overdue and welcomed my little sis home from girls camp! Tomorrow I am going to my Uncle Rust and (Soon to be) Aunt Barb's Wedding! :D I am so excited to see the family. I am especially excited to see my Aunt Rayan and her kiddos. It's been about 3 years since we've seen them and I cannot even express to you how much I miss them! It will definitely be a wonderful day tomorrow...and knowing me it will be filled with many tears of joy.

Need I Say More...

The Shipwreck

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!?" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in all our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, the next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

Bethany Joy Galeotti

I absolutely LOVE Bethany Joy Galeotti! Yes, I was first introduced to her when I started watching 'One Tree Hill', which by the way is definitely on my Top 3 favorite TV shows list. :D She is so amazing and talented. Just thought I would share with you!

Go Get Your Free Drinks...and Slushies!

As many of you know today is the 11th day of the month. Which means that there are free drinks at the Pleasant Grove Harts on Center Street. But what I'm guessing most of you don't know (well, at least I didn't know until a little bit ago) is there is also free SLUSHIES at 7 Eleven today...because today is 7/11/11. :D So go and get your free beverages this hot summer day!! Awww...

Day 17: Someone You Would Want To Switch Lives With For One Day And Why.

I have recently been thinking a lot about how fun it would be to travel. And I'm not just talkin "spring break down in St. George" (that's pretty much the extent of my travel life). I mean REALLY travel. I would absolutely LOVE to go to London, Paris, New York, Ireland...I think you've got my drift. I want to be able to just pick up and leave whenever and not have to worry about money. Now when you bring me back down to reality...I know this is probably NEVER going to happen.

So that is why, for one day, I would like to switch lives with someone rich. Now not just any rich person...I would want to switch lives with the one and only Nina Dobrev, and not because she plays Elena on the Vampire Diaries who is caught in the middle of two extremely sexy vampire brothers who both are madly in love with her....It's because she is totally dating the one and only Ian Somerhalder (which ironically enough plays Damon on VD, one of the extremely sexy vampire brothers...but that's beside the point.)

Who wouldn't want to date him...even if it was only for a day. :D So with Nina's money...and boyfriend, I could definitely have the best day of my entire life strolling the streets of London with none other than Mr. Somerhalder. Count me TOTALLY in.

Day 16: Another Picture Of Yourself.

Once again this picture was taken by the lovely Lacey Morton. She is by far the most beautiful and talented little sister I could ever have! LOVE YOU LAC! 

Facts About Me!

Full name: Lexus Morton

Nickname: Lou, Lexy Lou

Favorite colors: Pink, Aqua, Purple, and Green. Most days!

Hair Color: Well since I haven’t been my natural hair color since around 7^th or 8^th grade…I will
have to take a guess, brunette with a little red in the right sunlight. Haha yeah, that’s it! :D

Tall or Short: Um…I think I’m average…5’6…short or tall you tell me!

Sweats or Jeans: Sweats!!

Phone or Camera: Telephono

Health freak: Um…totally WISH I was…that’s something we’re still trying to work on! ;)

Orange or Apple: Apple…yes, apple!

Do you have a crush on someone: Duh…

Eat or Drink: Both…doing one without the other, well…it’s just not done.

Pepsi or Coke: Coke…Diet, thank you.

Been in an airplane: Yep

Been in a relationship: Never :)

Been in a car accident: Thankfully not!

Been in a fist fight: Nooo

First crush: I think his name was Hagen…1^st grade. I’m sure I had some (well A LOT) before
then…but that’s the first that I can remember.

Last person you texted: Erik Gomez

Last person you talked to: Lacey

Last person you watched a movie/show with: Lacey

Last food you ate: Sugar Cookie from Smart Cookie

Last movie you watched: 21

Last song you listened to: Feel This by: Bethany Joy Galeotti…LOVE HER!

Last thing you bought: New dress for my uncle’s wedding!

Favorite Food: I love/hate lots of things. Right now it’s pasta!

Favorite Drink: Diet Dr. Pepper!

Flower: Gerber Daisies…pink please.

Animal: Doggies!

Movie: Australia

HAVE YOU EVER:
(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

[] fallen in love with someone.
[x] celebrated Halloween.
[x] had your heart broken.
[] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
[x] had someone like you
[] got pregnant.
[] had an abortion.
[x] did something I regret.
[x] broke a promise.
[x] hid a secret.
[x] pretended to be happy.
[x] met someone who changed your life.
[x] pretended to be sick.
[] left the country.
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
[x] cried over the silliest thing.
[x] ran a mile
[] went to the beach with your best friend.
[x] got into an argument with your friends.
[x] disliked someone.
[] stayed single for 2 years since the first time you had a boyfriend/girlfriend

CURRENTLY:

Eating: I totally just made myself sick a while ago…I’m gonna stay away from the food today.

Drinking: Agua! (in case you are Spanish impaired…Water!)

Listening: Bostyn snoring on the couch and my laptop’s fan.
What You Did Today: Folded a BUTT LOAD of laundry. Shopped for my uncles wedding. Napped. Then more errands after that! PRERDY BOARING DAY! :D

Waiting for: My prince charming!

YOUR FUTURE:

Want kids: Yes please! :)

Want to get married: In the temple!

Career: Full time mother! The rest I’m still trying to figure out…but yes, I am going to college.

Lips or eyes: BOTH!

Shorter or Taller: Taller please.

Romantic or spontaneous: Both…again. :O

Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

Looks or personality: Well, you gotta have a little bit of both. All great personalities make the outside HOTTER! ;)

HAVE YOU EVER:

Lost glasses/contacts: Nope! No glasses or contacts for me!

Snuck out of a house: Yup…Hi Mom! :D

Broken someone's heart: Probably not, I hope not.

Been in love: No…but I have REALLY liked people before.

Cried when someone died: Definitely

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: Most of the time!

Miracles: Of course!

Love at first sight: No…I don’t think so

Heaven: Yes ‘um!

Santa Claus: “Once you stop believing, you stop receiving.” ;D

Aliens: Yeah…but not the green, gooey, scary things.

Ghosts: Yes

TRUTHFULLY:

Is there one person you want to be with right now: Yeah…

Do you know who your real friends are: Yes I do. :D

Facts about yourself: Pretty sure that’s what this whole thing was about…so I’m gonna pass. :D

Day 15: Put your iPod on shuffle - First 10 songs that play.

1. Let It Begin - Julie Yardley
2. Rebel Rebel - David Bowie
3. Much Better - Jonas Brothers
4. If We Ever Meet Again (Ft. Katy Perry) - Timbaland
5. Hey Alli - Runner Runner
6. Snowflakes - Jeremy Fisher
7. Insensitive - Jann Arden
8. And Run - He Is We
9. I Got My Baby - Faith Hill
10. Halo - Bethany Joy Galeotti

Day 14: A Picture Of You And Your Family.

This picture is a little old, but it's our most recent "family picture!"... :D

This is a picture of us at my graduation in June 2011!

Day 13: A Letter To Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently.

Dear Sun,

Although I do appreciate the "somewhat" tan that I am acquiring from you...the lobster color, blistering mess you left on my back is greatly frowned upon. I'm sure there are plenty of other ways that you could be spending your time. How about we use your lovely rays on the plants or solar panels? Huh?

Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE you...I just don't LOVE the horrific sight you turned me into. So please stop frying me and we can forget this ever happened. I would love to live my life free of Melanoma. :D

Thanks a bunch!

~Lex

This is What Happens at the Morton's at 2 AM...

Not to mention making "The Bachelor" psycho audition tapes...but those are something that we keep under lock and key! :D

Day 12: How did you find out about Blogger and why did you make one?

I first made a Blogger in the 9th grade . We had to make one for an assignment where we all made blogs and had to put our homework and stuff on them...I think that's how it went! :D Then after that class I decided to make a personal one...which didn't turn out so well because I NEVER updated it. (You think I'm bad at this one....)

Again in 11th grade we had to make a blog for class...and then one day my cousin got a personal blog...and I got a little jealous. So again I made this personal blog and I do my best to update it! :D

There you have it...why I'm on Blogger.

Day 11: Another Picture of You and Your Friends

He Is We Concert! It was SOOO MUCH FUN!!!

Death Leaves a Heartache No One Can Heal

I have recently been reminded of all the things in my life that have gone...well, that have just gone completely wrong in my eyes. Now I'm really not writing these things for your "pity" or to feel sorry for myself...I just need to let these things out and what better way than to pour it out here. Didn't someone once say "better out than in..." maybe they weren't particularly talking about "feelings" but still. ;D

When I was 14 years old, I woke up on Saturday, September 15, 2007 and walked into my dad's bedroom to find what looked like any other Saturday morning where my father was sleeping in just a little later than usual. Not too long after that I realized that he wasn't sleeping...but that he had been taken from this earth peacefully in his sleep. That day was the most horrific day I have ever experienced in my entire life. Time lost its meaning. My whole world fell apart, right before my eyes. Everything I thought was invincible and unbreakable was suddenly gone.

Lately I've just really been missing my dad. There are lots of things going on in my life right now and I just wish that he were here to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. That all this trudging through trials will someday be worth it. He was my rock. My best friend. He always knew how to put a smile on my face and he always knew when something was up with me.

For whatever reason, he's not here...and even though I know he's where he's supposed to be, doing the things that Heavenly Father needs him to be doing, I can't help but think...I wasn't ready, I'm NOT ready to say goodbye. It's not fair. I'm struggling so much right now with so many different things, and all I need to make 99% of them better is to just see his face. To have him tell me that it's not all for nothing. I need him to give me that wonderful advice that he ALWAYS had tucked under his sleeve.

I wish he were here. Not just for those reasons, but also because if he were here...my mom wouldn't be hurting right now. She wouldn't be getting her tender heart broken over and over again trying to find someone that will not even be half as incredible as my dad was. All the things that she has been through since he's been gone...it kills me to know that as much as I want to...there really isn't anything that I can do to make it better.

Right now...if he were here, we'd probably be up late watching some stupid movie like "The Great Outdoors" and laughing our heads off at the part when the ugly bear gets the hair blown off his behind. I can still hear that laugh. I haven't watched that movie since the night before he left me.

I do believe that I will see him again. I KNOW that I will. It's just that there are so many things that I need him here for in THIS life. He wasn't there when I graduated from High School. He's not going to be there when I get married or have my children. What am I going to do when my kids ask me about their Grandpa? There is NO WAY on this earth that I will be able to even give them a GLIMPSE of how amazing he was. That kills me.

It's also really hard for me to know that he can see me right now and I can't see him. It's just not fair. He's only been up in Heaven for about 2 minutes...and here, we're going on 4 years. He hasn't really had much time to think about me, let alone miss me...and even when he does, he still gets to see me and listen to me…while I'm down here dying to just truly feel him.

I guess what I really want to say is...don't ever take your relationships for granted. You NEVER know when someone could slip away from you. Cherish every moment you have with someone and always tell the people you love how you feel. But only when you truly mean it.

I’m sorry to all my friends and family. A lot of the times I find it hard to be myself. I love each and every one of you and I hope you know that. Don’t give up on me. I’ll get better one of these days.

XOXOXO I love you all.

Swagbucks!

 

I am here to tell you about SWAGBUCKS.COM! It's by far the coolest thing ever! You set up an account and then you earn fake money buy doing things like searching the web, playing games, taking surveys, taking polls, completing tasks, watching videos, and many of other ways. Then once you've earned certain amounts...you can BUY REAL THINGS, like iPod, TVs, small kitchen appliances, clothes, gift cards, plus  tons more! I'm doing it right now and I think it's pretty cool! It's 100% free and totally worth it!! Go there by clicking on the ad under my blog name. You earn 30 swagbucks (the fake money) for just signing up! GO CHECK IT OUT!! :D

XOXOXOXOXO

Day 10: What do you listen to when your happy, sad, hyped, and mad.

When I'm happy I listen to...
Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Glee, Musicals, Michael Buble, Ingrid Michaelson, Katy Perry...I don't really know if I can name them all. I listen to A LOT of music.

When I'm sad I listen to...
Get It Right from Glee. I also listen to "I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus when I miss my dad. I mainly listen to slow songs, which I know isn't good...because it keeps me in a sad mood...but whatever. :D

When I'm hyped I listen to...
Really up-beat songs like Metro Station, Panic! At The Disco, Ke$ha...etc.

When I'm mad I listen to...
 Um...I listen to "Mean" by Taylor Swift...haha I know pathetic, but hey, why not? I listen to songs that get my mind off of things. I just get lost in the music and then forget about why I was mad...well, that's what I try to do anyways!!