It's been 4 years since my wonderful father left this earth. Reflecting back on all the great times we've had together makes me miss him more than ever. There isn't one day that goes by where I don't think of him in some way, shape or form, but today he's been constantly on my mind.
It was Saturday, September 15, 2007. I was getting ready for an early volleyball game. My mom and my sister had just left the house to run some errands. Right before my mom left she told me that my dad hadn't slept too well last night, so I was supposed to just let him sleep in.
I suddenly realized that my dog was no where to be found, so I went looking for her around the house hoping that she wasn't getting herself into some kind of trouble. Bostyn (my dog) loved to lay by my dad on the bed so I stuck my head in my dad's bedroom to see if she was laying there. (Little did I know then that she actually had gone with my mom and sister.)
As I peeked my head into his bedroom and saw no dog...I was about to leave and just go to the game. I looked at my dad and knew instantly that something was wrong. He wasn't breathing. I ran over to him and started to shake him. When he didn't stir, I resorted to shaking harder and yelling at him to wake up.
He still didn't respond. I desperately called my mom in a panic, trying as hard as I could to calmly explain to her what was going on. She told me to hang up and call 911 and that she was turning around right then to come home. I called 911 and told the dispatcher that my dad wasn't breathing or responding to me in any way.
She asked me if there was anything in his mouth. There was, it was a white foam substance. She told me to try as hard as I could to get it all out of his mouth. I frantically started digging it all out of his mouth. She told me to turn him on his side as I did it.
Thinking back now...I wish I would have just laid there with him until they came and took him away. I thought that everything was going to be fine at the time. He had given us scares like this before and it always turned out fine, regardless of how terrifying they were. Knowing now that that was the last time I would get to actually BE with him...I wish I would have just held him as long as I could've.
The paramedics arrived shortly after that, the dispatcher stayed on the phone with me until they did. My mom arrived just a few seconds after that as well. This was the hardest part for me. She was going hysterical, yelling this like, "Don't leave me...you can't leave me now. I love you...don't leave me".
The rest of the day I had the worst migraine I have ever had in my entire life. I remember lots of my family meeting us at the hospital and we all just cried together. I remember as time went by, my dad's body slowly got harder and harder. That was super difficult to witness.
Although my dad is no longer with us physically, I know he is with me always. He is constantly watching out for me and helping me with things that I need. The other day I was moving my room from upstairs to downstairs and I had NO IDEA which tools I needed to take the beds apart. Both beds needed different ones and I wasn't sure what to use, let alone WHERE the specific tool even WAS! I started asking my dad for help and I found myself walking into the garage, over to where most of my dad's tools where. I went straight to the right one, picked it up and started working.
I know he loves me and is always there for me. I miss him dearly..he was my best friend. He always knew what to say to me. Sometimes I fell lost without him. There is this huge hole in my heart that no doctor can fix.
I know he's in a better place...and although I'm done being bitter about his loss, it still hurts. I love you so much Daddy. You will forever be my hero.
XOXOXO
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